“It’s not about me, it’s about my mom. She grew up on a farm in the middle of nowhere. She did well in school and went to a state college, where she met my father, a graduate student studying abroad (he’s from the UK) My mother admits quite freely that she was unhappy with the kind of ‘farmer’s wife’ life she saw her mother live , and she wanted a ticket from there. I think she liked my dad, but a lot of the attraction was hitchhiking in his wagon, because he was about to finish his doctorate and had some pretty decent outlook. They got married and moved to the UK and then back to the US, with him pursuing various university jobs and trying to work his way up to deanery and consulting money as fast as possible. He always made enough money, so she stayed home with us kids. Ultimately, however, my father had the money and used it as a source of energy.”
“The power dynamics at home were never healthy, and my dad constantly kept it above everyone’s head that he was the sole provider. In his eyes, he brought home the bacon , so EVERYTHING else had to be done by my mom, period. In all my childhood, he never bought a birthday present, or made dinner because my mom had a hard day, or anything like He did the absolute bare minimum and really didn’t want anything to do with us kids and thought we should. We didn’t really see or hear him. We used to hide in the underworld. floor to play because of his gunslinging temper. Long story short, my dad and I never really got along, so my mom could blame a lot on the family dynamic for that.
Eventually, they divorced. My father was shocked and did not understand why. He thought that marriage was for him to pay and that all the others (wife and children) obeyed. He didn’t think he had done anything wrong. Finally, my mother went through difficult years, but she continued to work. She started dating. She eventually met a man of reasonably modest means and remarried. It’s clear that the relationship between her and my stepfather isn’t about power and ownership, it’s about love.
Being “acquired” is just not a good idea. A person having power leads to abuse of that power in too many cases. For the same reason, even though I knew I was giving up my heritage by doing so, I completely stopped seeing my father due to his abusive and manipulative ways. One by one, my siblings did the same. My father remarried a woman who wanted a rich husband. Good luck to her – she can get that money. It just wasn’t worth it.”